Biden Killing it at Abandoned Radio Shack

By Taylor Gorman, sometimes Staff Writer

Presidential hopeful Joseph R. Biden is finally connecting with his audience at a RadioShack in Elko, Nevada. Disappointing in recent polls and faltering in debates, Biden, 77, previously has had a tight hold on the democratic nomination but so far has failed to gain any significant primary delegates—until now. Although the current residents were several rats entangled in TV/VCR cables, Biden promised to bring back jobs to the struggling industry and revitalize the Battery of the Month Club. “Here we supply American citizens with life changing appliances, from CB radios to tape recorders to double deck VCR players,” Biden said with a wink, “so feel free to copy anything from Blockbuster, I won’t tell.” Biden continued to say that people should be careful hanging around such a store, adding “Let’s not let Russia get ahold of this technology,” apparently pointing at a laser-disc player, “but the only real hack in this election is Bernie Sanders, am I right?” If his charisma can hold, Biden says, he’ll likely take this all the way to the cockroaches at Circuit City.