March Horoscopes

(originally written pre-quarantine): Cosmic Cannibal Horoscope: Another March Bites the Dust By Cosmic Cannibal It seems that there’s never a month that passes where the planets aren’t making some sort of monumental shift. March is no different. In addition to the usual sign-shifting mosaic of Sun, Mercury, and Venus transits, Mars & Saturn will enter […]

Read More

Cosmic Cannibal: February Forecast

As per the astrological status quo, the planets are changing this February.  The patchy planetary schedule is as follows: Mercury enters Pisces on the 3rd, encouraging the use of intuition & empathy over dispassionate logic; because Pisces is an emotional water sign, hypersensitivity could become a problem.  On the 7th, Venus enters Aries, igniting social […]

Read More

Cosmic Cannibal Horoscopes: December 2019 and Beyond

By Camille Liptak, staff writer This is the last December of the decade. That’s right: THE DECADE. Naturally, the 20-teens have to go out in style by cramming seven transit shifts into this December. On the 3rd, Jupiter, the planet of luck, entered Capricorn, where it will stay until December 20th, 2020. During this year-and-some-odd-days […]

Read More

Cosmic Cannibal April Horoscopes: Gear Up for Planetary Action

By Camille Liptak, Staff Writer Spring has sprung and it’s time for your April forecast. The question I’m sure you’re asking is, wait — isn’t April already halfway through? Yes, it is. However, aside from a new moon and a retrograde Jupiter, nothing happened in the first two weeks of April. It is at this […]

Read More

Cosmic Cannibal: the Shifting Tides of March

By Camille Liptak, Staff Writer Great news! (I’m being sarcastic.) March starts off with a strange bang, as Venus enters air sign Aquarius. On the 5th, Mercury goes retrograde in water sign Pisces. Hooray! (More sarcasm.) Why the sarcasm, you ask? Well, sarcasm is a mode of satirical wit used to convey contempt…and retrogrades slow […]

Read More

The Cosmic Cannibal Declares a “backwards revolution” for November: Get Your Horoscope Here

By Camille Liptak, Staff Writer   Uh oh, looks like another retro. The most notorious retrograde transit is back, my fine young cannibals. That’s right: Mercury is heading towards a backwards revolution period starting on the 16th. And just when you thought the planets were straightening out (hello Venus direct in Libra) and you could […]

Read More