Trump’s Post-Acquittal Clambake

by Buster Bogtrotter, PPCC White House correspondent

Less than 24 hours after being acquitted of Impeachment charges, President Trump held a speech in the White House East Room on Thursday.

On Wednesday, a disjointed Senate voted on two charges of impeachment — abuse of power and obstruction of Congress — acquitting President Trump of both charges with a vote of 53 to 47.

The atmosphere in the room during Trump’s speech on Thursday was that of an after-kegging frat party, where the number of white males in the crowd outnumbered both females and PoC in an approximate ratio of 24:3.

In his nearly hourlong speech, which was less of a speech and more of a pep rally brunch for the senators who remained loyal to him throughout the length of the impeachment process, Trump discussed numerous hot-button political topics such as: The Wall, Nancy Pelosi, Iowa, and the spirit of the Republican party.

After going on an additional 15-minute spiel about NCAA wrestling and the physique of two senators present and whether or not they’d like to mud wrestle later, Trump proceeded to paint himself and his family as victims of the “Impeachment Hoax” after rambling about Hillary Clinton, Russia, baseball games he attended in the years of yore, and the 1960s legal drama, Perry Mason.

The garbled speech, which was as disjointed as the senators who voted on Wednesday, starkly contrasted with former President Bill Clinton’s remorseful 2-minute post-acquittal speech back in 1998.

Trump also thanked prominent Republican peeps including North Dakota senator Kelly Armstrong, Indiana state senator Jim Banks, and Arizona state Senator Andy Biggs, as well as former Republican President, Abe Lincoln.

“If he were here, I’d give him one helluva introduction,” Trump said in reference to Abe Lincoln.

Unbeknownst to Trump, a portion of “Honest” Abe Lincoln was, in fact, present at Thursday’s speech. Lincoln’s head listened quietly in the hall just outside the White House East Room.

Lincoln had this to say about the acquittal speech:

“If I had hands, I’d rip up that speech like Pelosi at the State of the Union Address.”

The question of what comes next for President Trump still remains.

One thought on “Trump’s Post-Acquittal Clambake

  1. Trump has no reason to give remorse he did not lie under oath about taking advantage of a white house intern like slick bill did. Alan Dershowitz said these Bogus charges you could apply to any president. I bet you still believe in Russian Collusion which senile Bob Mueller knew nothing about. Don’t quit your day job.

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